For much of my adult life I've been shackled by fear. I've been afraid to try new things, afraid to meet new people, afraid of doing anything that might lead to failure. This fear confined me to a narrow comfort zone. Recently, however, I made a single small change that has helped me to overcome my fear, and allowed me to get more out of life.

    Last fall somebody at Ask Metafilter posted a question looking for books about self-confidence. One person recommended Improby Keith Johnstone. Intrigued, I borrowed it from the public library. It blew my mind. Though it's a book about stage-acting, several of the techniques it describes are applicable to everyday life.

    I was particularly struck by the need for improvisational actors to accept whatever is offered to them on stage. In order for a scene to flow, an actor must take whatever situation arises and just go with it. （Watch old episodes ofWhose Line is It Anyway to see this principle in action.） Johnstone writes:

    Once you learn to accept offers, then accidents can no longer interrupt the action. […] This attitude makes for something really amazing in the theater. The actor who will accept anything that happens seems supernatural; it's the most marvelous thing about improvisation: you are suddenly in contact with people who are unbounded, whose imagination seems to function without limit.

    […]

    These 'offer-block-accept' games have a use quite apart from actor training. People with dull lives often think that their lives are dull by chance. In reality everyone chooses more or less what kind of events will happen to them by their conscious patterns of blocking and yielding.

    That passage had a profound effect on me. I thought about it for days. "What if I did this in real life?" I wondered. "Is there a way I could adapt this to help me overcome my fear?" I began to note the things that I blocked and accepted. To my surprise, I blocked things constantly - I made excuses not to do things because I was afraid of what might happen if I accepted.

    I made a resolution. I decided that instead of saying "no" to things because I was afraid of them, I would "just say yes". That became my working motto: "Just say yes". Any time anyone asked me to do something, I agreed to do it （as long as it wasn't illegal and didn't violate my own personal code of conduct）. In the past six months, I've put this philosophy into practice in scores of little ways. But the power of "yes" has made larger changes to my life, too, has exposed me to things I never would have done before.

    · Soon after I started saying "yes", a GRS reader offered to provide free wellness coaching. My gut reaction was to say "no". But I caught my negative thinking. "Just say yes," I said to myself. So I did. Working with Lauren, my wellness coach, has been an amazingly positive experience.

    · Ramit at I Will Teach You to Be Rich asked me to contribute to his eBook. I had all kinds of reasons for saying "no" - none of them good - but I forced myself to say "yes". As a result, this site gained new readers, and I got to correspond with Ramit about how to produce a PDF book.

    · Last winter, Sally shared a guest article about eating vegetarian on the cheap. A few weeks later she wrote that she and her husband would be in town, and asked if Kris and I would like to have dinner. In the past I would have said "no" out of fear of meeting a stranger. I said yes, and I'm glad I did.

    · One of my friends works as a career counselor at a nearby university. Recently he asked me to present a talk to graduating seniors about the basics of personal finance. Normally I would refuse out of hand, but only because I am afraid. I said yes. Though the presentation fell through, the copious notes I made will serve as the basis for many future articles.

    · A close friend asked me to go see a band I'd never even heard of. On a Thursday. At midnight. This was totally outside my comfort zone, but I said yes. The experience was fantastic. We had a great conversation, and then I got to discover The Black Angels and their wall of sound.

    · I don't know anything about table tennis, but when my former soccer coach stopped by to recruit me for a local club, I agreed to join. It's been fun learning the sport, and getting re-acquainted with his family. （I was once good friends with his son.）

    These things will seem minor to the extroverts here. But for me, these were big steps. These experiences were new, and I wouldn't have had them if I hadn't forced myself to just say yes.

    Most of my experiences from my "just say yes" campaign have been positive, but not all of them. I've had some failures, too. Surprisingly, I've learned more from the bad experiences than I have from the good.

    In February, for example, a Seattle radio station asked me to do a telephone interview about retirement savings. "I'm not a retirement expert," I told the woman who contacted me, but then I realized I was making excuses. I was blocking because I was scared. "But I'll do it," I said. Ultimately my radio appearance was a disaster. I got stage-fright and became tongue-tied. But you know what? I don't care. I failed, but at least I tried. After the interview, I e-mailed the woman to apologize and to ask for advice. She was sympathetic, and gave me some great pointers. Next time somebody asks for a radio interview, I'll do better.

    For too long, fear of failure held me back. Failure itself didn't hold me back - the fear of it did. When I actually try something and fail, I generally get right back up and do it again, but better the second time. I pursue it until I succeed. But often I convince myself that I can't do something because I'm going to fail at it, so I don't even bother to try.

    Since I've learned the power of yes, I've begun to act as if I'm not afraid. Whenever I feel fear creep upon me, I act as if I'm somebody else. I act as if I'm somebody stronger and braver. Motivational speaker Brian Tracy says:

    If you want to develop courage, then simply act courageously when it's called for. If you do something over and over again, you develop a habit. Some people develop the habit of courage. Some people develop the habit of non-courage.

    Tracy recommends that any time you encounter the fear of failure, you simply tell yourself, "I can do it." Say it again and again and then do it. What's more, he says, tell others that they can do the things they're frightened of. How many times have you seen somebody excited about a new project become totally deflated when others tell them why it won't work. Don't be like that. Tell the person, "You can do it." Be supportive.

    Tracy is famous for asking the question: What would you dare to dream if you knew you wouldn't fail? This is a powerful concept. What could you do if you stopped telling yourself "no" and simply tapped into the power of yes?

    Aside from learning the power of yes, there are other ways to fight fear and develop a more courageous attitude.

    · Start small. Many people are afraid to make phone calls, or to approach a clerk in a store. Begin by practicing these little habits. A clerk in a book store answers hundreds of questions a month. There's no reason to be frightened of asking yours.

    · Try one new thing each week. It doesn't have to be big. Learn a new skill, have lunch with an acquaintance, do something for a friend. Once every week, say "yes" where you might have said "no" before.

    · Exercise mindfulness. When fear creeps into your head, name it for what it is, and let it pass by. I know this sounds new age and hokey, but it works. When somebody asks you to do something and your gut reaction is "no", pause to examine that "no" and ask yourself, "Am I saying this simply out of fear? What would happen if I said yes?"

    · Act like you're somebody else. Do you have a friend who is a great negotiator? The next time you negotiate, pretend you're this person. This is more effective than you probably think!

    · Ask yourself, "What is the worst thing that could happen?" Then ask yourself, "What is the best thing that could happen?" Most of the time when I make this comparison, the upside far outweighs the downside.

    · Recognize that failures and mistakes are not the end. Often they're the beginning. If you can pick yourself up after you do something wrong, and then learn from the experience, you'll be a better person because of it.

    Read more about conquering fear and worry:

    · The Instigator Blog offers five reasons to say yes.

    · How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie has a five-star rating on 107 reviews at Amazon, and rightly so. This is a classic book about courage in everyday life. Here's a summary. （From the author ofHow to Win Friends and Influence People.）

    · Yes Man is a book by Danny Wallace that chronicles his adventures as he says "yes" to everything for an entire year. I haven't read this, but I'd like to.

    · Impro by Keith Johnstone is a book about improvisational acting. Sharp readers will find ways to apply these techniques to everyday life, to boost self-confidence and to overcome fear of failure.

    We all have dreams, but most of us make excuses for not pursuing them. Often these excuses aren't overt. It's more a matter of inertia, of just ignoring the dreams, of maintaining the comfortable status quo. But you can break out of your comfort zone to get more out of life through the simple power of yes.

    很多時候，我的生活被各種恐懼捆綁著：怕嘗試新事物；害怕見陌生人；害怕做可能失敗的事情。恐懼心理把我局限在狹窄的安樂窩里動彈不得。然而，最近我做了一點小小的改變，幫我克服了恐懼，同時也讓我從生活中收獲了更多樂趣。

    去年秋天有人在Ask Metafilter發貼想找一本增強自信心的書。有個人給他推薦了Keith Johnstone的Impro這本書。我很感興趣，于是從公共圖書館借了一本。隨后我被這本書迷住了。雖然講的是舞臺表演，但是書中描述的一些方法在日常生活中也很實用。

    做即興表演的演員要在舞臺上接受任何拿到手的劇本，這一點讓我印象非常深刻。為了讓現場連貫不間斷，演員必須適應各種突發的情況，順著這個狀況往下演。（請看用這個方法的一出戲"Whose line is it anyway".）Johnstone這樣寫道：

    一旦你學會接受任何狀況，那么突發事件就不再會打擾到你的行動了。正是這種態度才成就了劇場里那些令人驚嘆的表演。愿意接受任何狀況的演員似乎有點不可思議；這是一種最神奇的即席創作方式：就好像突然之間和無限多的觀眾發生了聯系，想象的空間也變得無窮大了。

    …

    這些'能不能接受各種狀況'的心理游戲除了訓練演員之外，還有一些跟舞臺完全不同的用處。生活乏味的人總在想，生活之所以枯燥乏味完全是因為運氣不佳。現實生活中每個人都或多或少地通過自己的意識模式做出選擇：拒絕哪些事情發生，而又接受另一些事情發生。

    這一段話對我產生了頗深的影響。我思考了好幾天。"如果我在自己的生活中用這些方法會怎樣呢？"我想。"有沒有能讓我運用到這些方法而又戰勝恐懼的方式呢？"于是，我開始記下自己拒絕和接受的各種事物。令我驚訝的是，我經常拒絕很多事情-我給自己不做某件事制造理由，就因為我害怕自己接受之后會發生什么。

    我下定決心。我決定不再因為害怕而說出拒絕二字，我決定說出"好啊".這兩個字成了我的工作座右銘："好啊".無論別人讓我做什么，我都答應去做。（當然是不犯法，并且不違背我的個人行為方式）.過去的六個月里，我開始把這個思想付諸實施在一些小事上面。然而"好啊"二字給我的生活帶來了更大的變化，還使我做了很多從前不會做的事情。

    * 我開始學習說"好啊"不久，有個讀者要求給我提供免費的身心健康教練服務。我的第一反應就是"不".但是我想到這是個消極的想法。"就說好吧，"我對自己說。于是我這么做了。結果，跟著這位健康教練Lauren一起工作出人意料的令人愉快。

    * 我要教你變富網站作者Ramit要我給他的ebook寫幾篇文章。我有各種拒絕的理由-當然沒一個好理由-但是我強迫自己說"好啊".結果，站點得到了新讀者，而我也開始跟Ramit聯系，了解怎么做一本PDF書了。

    * 去年冬天，莎莉寫了一篇客串博文：吃便宜蔬菜。幾周后，她寫信來說她和丈夫回到鎮上來，問我和克麗絲是否愿意一起吃個飯。要在過去，我肯定會因為怕見生人而拒絕對方。這次我說好啊，我很高興自己是這么說的。

    * 我有個朋友在附近大學里做職業輔導員。最近他要我給即將畢業的高年級學生講講個人理財的基礎知識。通常情況下我會立刻拒絕的，只因為我害怕。我對他說好的。盡管最終沒講，但是我做的那些詳細的演講筆記會是我以后寫文章的好素材。

    * 有個好朋友邀我去聽一個我從來沒聽說過的樂隊。時間是星期四的午夜時分。這可是完全不能接受的，但我跟朋友說好啊。結果，這次經歷感覺很棒。我們聊天聊得熱火朝天，后來我找了黑天使和他們的音樂來聽。

    * 我對兵乓球一竅不通，可當我的前足球隊教練在路上攔住我要我參加當地俱樂部的時候，我答應了。學的時候很好玩，而且和他的家人又打成了一片。（我和他兒子曾是好友。）

    這些事情對于這里的外向個性的人來說似乎算不了什么。可對我來說，這些都是自己生活中邁出的一大步。這些經歷很新鮮，如果我沒有強迫自己接受的話，我是永遠都不會有這些體會的。

    這次對自己說"好啊"的活動大多很正面，但并不是所有的事情都感覺那么好。我也經歷了失敗。令我驚訝的是，我從不好的經歷中學到的東西比我從感覺好的經歷中學到的更多。

    比如，今年二月西雅圖廣播電臺要對我做一個電話訪談，講講退休存款的事情。"我不是退休問題專家，"我對打電話給我的那位女士說，而后我意識到自己是在找理由。因為害怕所以拒絕。"不過我愿意來，"我說。最后，那次電臺訪問糟透了。我一上臺就緊張，舌頭也開始打結。可你知道嗎？我不介意。這次失敗了，但至少我試過了。訪談過后，我給那位女士寫了道歉信，問她提提意見。她人很好，給了我幾個很好的建議。下次有人邀我做電臺訪問的時候，我會做得更好些。

    很長時間以來，怕失敗的恐懼讓我在生活中退縮不前。失敗本身并沒有讓我躊躇-是對它的恐懼讓我猶豫不決的。當我確實試著做了一些事情，失敗了，我通常會從原地爬起來，再做一次，但第二次就會做得好一些。我一直堅持到最后做成為止。但是我常常告訴自己有些事我做不來，因為覺得自己會做砸，所以我連試都不想試一下。

    自從了解了接受的力量之后，我開始采取行動，就像我不害怕一樣。每當我感到恐懼感彌漫開的時候，我會把自己當成別人做出行動。就好像我是個更強大，更勇敢的人一樣。激勵演說家Brian Tracy曾說過：

    假如你想有勇氣，只要在需要勇氣的時候勇敢地行動就可以了。當你一遍遍做某件事的時候，你會培養一種習慣。有些人養成了勇敢的習慣，而有些人養成了畏縮的習慣。

    Tracy建議無論何時遭遇到失敗的恐懼感，你都只要告訴自己，"我可以做到。"一遍遍告訴自己，然后去做。而且，他說，告訴其他人他們也可以做到自己感到害怕的事情。有多少次，你曾看到某個人原本對一個新項目歡欣鼓舞的時候，卻因為有人告訴他這件事做不到的時候變得垂頭喪氣。不要這樣做。告訴那個人，"你能做到。"支持他。

    Tracy以會問問題而著名：如果你不會失敗，你敢憧憬什么樣的夢想？這個想法震撼人心。如果你不再對自己說"不",而去發現"好啊"二字的力量的話，你會去做什么？

    除了學習接受之外，還有其他戰勝恐懼，培養勇敢品格的方法：

    * 從小事做起。許多人害怕打電話，或走近商店里的店員。可以從小的習慣開始。書店店員每個月都回答成百上千個問題，沒理由怕問他們問題。

    * 每周嘗試一件新事物。不一定是很大的事情。可以學一個新技能，在沒有熟人的情況下獨自就餐，和朋友做點什么事情。每周一次，對你原來會說不的事情說"好啊".

    * 練習關照/察覺。當恐懼在你的周身蔓延，講出來，然后讓恐懼感過去。我知道這聽起來有點做作，但的確有效。當有人問你做什么的時候，你的第一反應是拒絕，這時暫停一下，問問自己，"我這么說是否只是因為害怕？如果我說好的話會怎樣呢？"

    * 把自己當成別人。你有沒有很會辯論的朋友？下次你要跟人辯論的時候，可以假裝自己是這個人。這可比你想象中有效多了。

    * 問自己，"最壞會怎么樣呢？"然后問自己，"最好的情況會是什么樣？"大多數時候我做過比較之后都發現，有利的一面大大超過不利的一面。

    * 認識到失敗和錯誤并不是事情的結尾，通常情況下這都只是開始。當你做了錯事后又振作起來，然后從中學到教訓的時候，你會因此成為一個更好的人。

    我們都有夢想，但是大多數人都給自己制造了各種理由不去追尋夢想。通常情況下這些理由都不太明顯。其實這更是一個慣性/惰性的問題，人們只是忽視了這些夢想，選擇在生活中保持舒適的現狀。然而你可以通過接受，對自己說一聲"好啊".跳出安樂窩，從生活中收獲更多吧。