Do you dread networking events? Wonder about what to say? Do you find there is something uncomfortable or possibly distasteful about the seemingly compulsory exchange of business cards? If so then you probably value sincerity and professionalism. Too often networking is reduced to a numbers game of how many business cards you can pass out in an hour. If you are looking for a different approach, one more in alignment with your own professional values, then read on.

    The introvert advantage:

    Introverts have the advantage. You don't have to grandstand, shake fifty hands and talk about yourself. Instead, the name of the game is to develop new meaningful relationships. The best way to do that is to learn about what is really important to the people you are meeting and to discover ways that you can help. You are likely a much better listener than your extroverted colleague who can happily spend an entire evening talking your ear off about his latest pursuits.

    A word about helping:

    Help in this context isn't about selling your services. It is about finding ways that you can assist the people that you meet. Can you send them an article with useful information? Can you connect them with someone who can lend them a hand? Can you offer them a valuable recommendation?

    Ask don't tell:

    To learn about the people you are meeting and discover how you can be of assistance, ask a few well thought-out questions and listen to the answers. I call this the "ask don't tell" approach. How, what, where and why questions invite longer and more detailed answers. Prepare a few questions ahead of time. Here are some to try out:

    * What brings you to this event today?

    * What have you enjoyed most about the conference so far?

    * What's new and exciting with your business these days?

    * What do you enjoy most about your work?

    * What are the biggest challenges?

    Ask don't tell is a valuable approach not just for networking events but for your interactions with friends, colleagues, staff members, and clients, as well. If you don't like talking about yourself then instead become one of the best listeners around.

    ROAD Questions:

    To ask great questions focus on what's most important to people:

    * Relationships – What are the most important relationships in this person's life?

    * Occupation – What is their occupation? What do they like/dislike about it? What is most exciting about their work? What is most challenging?

    * Activities – What activities is the person involved in personally and professionally? What professional or community associations do they contribute to?

    * Drive – What motivates this person? What are their personal and professional goals?

    Active listening:

    Once you ask your question the next step is to listen. Don't make the mistake of thinking that listening is a passive activity. As long as you are asking questions and listening to the answers you are in control of the conversation and an active participant. Here are five quick active listening tips to let your conversation partner know that they have your full attention.

    1. Focus your gaze on the person speaking. There's nothing worse then having a conversation partner scan the room for better options!

    2. Nod your head from time to time.

    3. Paraphrase what you have just heard to indicate your understanding: "It sounds like staffing is the biggest challenge…"

    4. Ask additional questions to learn more about the others thoughts and ideas, clarify meaning, or to learn more:

    * "Please tell me more about…"

    * "What happened after…？"

    * "What do you think are your best options?"

    5. Read up on active listening skills. Here`s a link to a valuable short article on active listening: http://www.personadev.com/2008/02/09/10-tips-to-be-a-better-listener/ Or download the free seminar from the University of California on Empathic Listening Skills: http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/article40.htm

    Closing a conversation:

    A conversation may continue for as long as you like. Focus on meeting just a few people and engaging in some interesting dialogue. If you are most comfortable with one-on-one exchanges then start up discussions with the people who are on their own at an event.

    To end the conversation address the person by name, make reference to what you learned, and exchange business cards:

    "Eliza, I have really enjoyed speaking with you today. Thanks for telling me about your work at the bank. May I have your business card so that I can email you that article?"

    At networking events people are naturally going to circulate around the room. There is no need to give a reason for ending the discussion.

    Remember to be honest. If you end a conversation by saying you are going to get a drink or more food, then do so. Being caught in a lie in the first fifteen minutes of meeting someone doesn't make a great impression.

    Following up:

    Relationships develop over time. Finding the opening for meaningful follow-up is the crucial first step. The ask don't tell approach allows you to uncover meaningful reasons for staying in touch. Sometimes you will find the next step is simply to continue the conversation over lunch or coffee. Other times it is to send an email or to introduce the person to someone you know. Uncovering the follow-up allows you to continue building the relationship with people who you are interested in getting to know.

    Top ten tips for the introverts approach to networking:

    1. Prepare. Put your analytic skills to work, and take just a few minutes to prepare. Why are you attending the event? What goal/s do you have for the event? What are three good questions you can ask to get the conversation started? How would you answer those questions yourself? Practice your approach for ending a conversation and moving on.

    2. Check that you have your business cards with you.

    3. Arrive a few minutes late so that the event is already underway.

    4. Begin by scanning the room and getting a beverage to give you a chance to relax.

    5. If you don't know anyone at the event, find the wall flowers –- the people like you who are standing alone. Introduce yourself and ask one of your prepared questions.

    6. Listen about 80% of the time.

    7. Keep your attention on the person you are speaking with. If you want to scan the room for people you know then do so when you are between conversations.

    8. Focus on uncovering at least one meaningful follow-up opportunity.

    9. Don't be among the last to leave an event. Always leave a little early.

    10. Get organized. Take notes. Jot down important information about the person you have met on his/her business card and store the information in a contact management system.

    Remember:

    "The number one skill for success in the twenty first century is the ability to talk to other people. If we don't connect with others, there is really no next step: no referrals, no job offers, no promotions, no alliances. … The only goal of your initial interaction is to have the next interaction. Period."

    你害怕人際交往活動嗎？不知道該說些什么？你對"不得不"交換名片不悅或可能有些反感嗎？如果是這樣，那么你很可能特別看重誠意和專業精神。交際網絡常常被簡化為一個小時內交換了多少名片的數字游戲。如果您正在尋找一種截然不同的、更符合自己專業價值觀的方法，請你繼續閱讀。

    內向性格的優勢：

    性格內向的人有自身的優勢。你不必嘩眾取寵地表演，不必跟人一握手就握50下也不必老談論自己。相反，交往的目的在于發展新的有意義的關系。最好的方式就是了解你面對的人真正看重什么，以及你怎樣可以有所幫助。您很可能是個好聽眾，而你的性格外向的同事可能一整晚喋喋不休地談他的新嗜好。

    有所幫助：

    這種情況下幫助并不是出售服務。而是尋找途徑，可以幫助你面對的人。你能發給他們含有有用信息的文章嗎？你能幫他們聯系上可助一臂之力的人嗎？你能為他們提供寶貴的建議嗎？

    詢問而不是訴說：

    了解你面對的人，看是否可以提供幫助，提幾個深思熟慮的問題，然后傾聽回答。我把這個做法稱為"只問不說".怎么樣，是什么，在哪里和為什么這樣的問題會引出更長、更詳細的答案。交流前先準備好幾個問題。下面幾個問題可以試試：

    * 你為什么會你參加這個活動呢？

    * 到目前為止這個會議你最喜歡的是什么？

    * 你的工作最近有什么新的和令人興奮的進展？

    * 你的工作你最喜歡的是什么？

    * 最大的挑戰是什么？

    '只問不說'這個有益的做法不僅適用于具體的交際活動，而且也適用于與朋友，同事，單位員工和客戶之間的日常交流。如果你不喜歡談論自己，那就不妨作一個好聽眾吧。

    提出恰當的問題（ROAD）:

    提的問題要集中在對該人最重要的問題上：

    * 關系（R elationships）--此人生命中最重要的關系是什么？

    * 職業 （O ccupation） -- 他們是什么職業？他們的喜好是什么？面臨的最大的挑戰是什么？

    * 活動 （A ctivities） --此人在個人和職業方面與該活動有什么關系？他們分屬于什么專業或社會團體？

    * 動機 （D rive） --此人的動機是什么？他們的個人和職業目標是什么？

    積極傾聽：

    一旦你問完問題，下一個步就是傾聽。不要錯誤地認為傾聽只是被動的活動。只要你提出問題和傾聽回答，你就控制著談話，也在積極參與。這里有五個可快速掌握的積極傾聽技巧，可以讓你的對話伙伴知道你正全神貫注。

    1. 眼神注視說話人。談話時沒有什么比眼睛掃視別處尋找別的事情更糟糕的了！

    2. 常常點頭。

    3. 轉述一下你剛才聽到的以表明你理解了。如："聽起來人員配備是最大的挑戰… "

    4. 再問其他問題，以進一步掌握別人的想法和意見，澄清話語含義，或要了解更多信息：

    * "請告訴我更多關于… "

    * "之后的情況怎么樣… ? "

    * "你覺得是你的最佳選擇是什么？ "

    5. 積極傾聽技巧深入閱讀。這是一個關于積極傾聽實用的短文鏈接： http://www.personadev.com/2008/02/09/10-tips-to-be-a-better-listener/ 或從美國加州大學免費下載移情聽力技巧講座： http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7article/article40.htm

    結束對話：

    只要你喜歡對話可能會繼續下去。重點跟幾個人交流，談一些感興趣的對話。如果你一對一交流很愜意，最好開始跟活動中獨處的人展開討論。

    結束談話時可以詢問對方的名字，提到談話帶給你的收獲，并交換名片：

    "伊麗莎，我今天真的很享受與您交談。感謝您告訴我您在銀行的工作情況。可以給我您的名片，這樣我可以把這篇文章發電子郵件給您？ "

    交際活動中人們自然會在房間里轉來轉去。結束討論時沒有必要解釋原因。

    記住要誠實。如果你要去取飲料或更多的食物而結束您的談話時，就直接這樣說出來。與人談話時頭15分鐘就被人發現撒謊會給人留下不良印象。

    尋求下次行動：

    人際關系的發展需要時間。找到有意義的后續交流的契機是至關重要的第一步。'只問不說'的方法可以讓您發現有用的保持聯系的理由。有時候你會發現，下一步就是在午餐或喝咖啡時繼續話題。有時候則是發送電子郵件或把此人介紹給你認識的人。尋求下次交流的機會讓你可以跟樂意認識的人繼續建設起聯系。

    內向的人建立人際關系網絡的十大秘訣：

    1. 做好準備。花上幾分鐘準備，運用你的分析能力。你為什么要參加該活動？你參加這次活動的目的是什么？開始對話的三個好問題是什么？你自己如何回答這些問題？練習結束談話和繼續下去的方法。

    2. 檢查你是否帶了名片。

    3. 晚幾分鐘到，確保活動已經開始。

    4. 首先，掃視室內，拿杯飲料，放松下來。

    5. 活動中如果你您不人士別人，找跟你一樣單處的人。自我介紹，用準備好的一個問題提問。

    6. 用約80 %的時間傾聽。

    7. 關注與你談話的人。如果你要掃視屋里您認識的人，在交談間隙這樣做。

    8. 留意發現至少一個有意義的后續交流機會。

    9. 不要最后一個離開活動現場。離開總是有點早。

    10. 要有條理。做好筆記。在他的名片上記下此人重要信息并儲存在聯絡人管理系統中。

    請記住：

    "二十一世紀獲得成功的第一技能是與他人交流的能力。如果我們不與他人聯系，就真的無法走到下一步：沒有推薦，沒有工作機會，沒有晉升，沒有統一戰線……你首次與人交流唯一目的就是創造下一次交流機會……