當我們沒自信時，我們會做出錯誤的決定。我們會在恐懼的前提下做出選擇，而不是以那些最好的東西為基礎。如果你缺乏自信，生活可能會過得很糟糕。Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. - Yoda

    Last week I did something that scared the hell out of me. I stood in front of nearly 200 financial planners and I talked to them about why financial blogs are a good thing.

    I'm a confident writer. I've been doing this long enough that I know my strengths and my limitations. I've had enough feedback to understand that I'm an effective communicator - when I use the written word. I'm less confident as a speaker. I don't have time to pause to formulate my thoughts. I'm not able to edit. I'm afraid of being trapped in a corner without being able to talk my way out. Basically, I'm scared to speak.

    It would be easy to simply refuse the opportunities that come my way. When somebody asks me to speak in front of a group, I could say "no". When radio and television stations call for an interview, I could say "no". But for the past two years, I've been following my own policy to say "yes" to new opportunities （so long as they don't violate my personal code of conduct）.

    To say "no" is to live in fear. My goal is to continually improve myself, to become better than I am today. One way to do that is to do the things that scare me, to take them on as challenges, and to learn from them - even if I fail.

    The magic of thinking big

    In mid-November, a local station asked me to appear on live television. "I realize it's short notice," the producer wrote, "but we'd love to have you on the show if you're available tonight."

    It's one thing to say that you want to overcome your fears, but it's another thing to actually do it. Fear is real. When I was asked to appear on live television, I was frightened. I remembered my disastrous interview with a Seattle radio station in early 2007. I thought about recent taped television interviews that I had hated. I was afraid of what might happen.

    But I also thought about the things that had gone right. I thought of how my speaking skills had improved over the past year. I thought about my enthusiasm for frugality and personal finance. And then I thought of the book I was a reading, a book that I had bought for $1.29 at the local thrift store.

    The Magic of Thinking Big was a huge bestseller during the 1960s. Written by Dr. David Schwartz, a professor at Georgia State University, the book contains dozens of practical hints and tips （and many anecdotes） to illustrate the power of taking risks to achieve big goals. Schwartz argues that nobody will believe in you until you believe in yourself.

    So when the television producer asked if I wanted to appear on his show, I thought big. "Sure," I said. "I'll do it." I acted confident, but on the inside I was frightened. What I needed were techniques to boost my confidence and to overcome my fear.

    Remember that those times when you feel that your ideas aren't good enough, or people are putting down on your ideas, or you're getting fired - that these are the same ideas that you're going to be celebrated for 30 years later. You almost have to have courage. - Francis Ford Coppola, The Godfather DVD commentary track

    How to build confidence and destroy fear

    Without self-confidence, we have a tendency to make poor decisions. We make choices based on fear instead of what is best for us. If you lack confidence, you might fill your life with self-destructive behavior. You might work at a job you hate. You may allow yourself to get deep in debt. You may find yourself moving from one bad relationship to another. Without confidence, you don't allow yourself to pursue your dreams.

    In The Magic of Thinking Big, David Schwartz argues that all confidence isdeveloped. "No one is born with confidence," he writes. "Those people you know who radiate confidence, who have conquered worry, who are at ease everywhere and all the time, acquired their confidence, every bit of it."

    Confidence is built slowly, one success at a time. I've learned that in order to overcome fear, I need to employ a variety of techniques. Here are a few that I've picked over the years, and which I've used to help myself get out of debt, and to develop the courage to speak before groups or to appear on live television:

    · Don't dwell on failures. Draw from the things you've done right. My talk last week was far from perfect. But if I dwell on the things I did wrong, I'll psych myself out of future opportunities. I'll be scared to say "yes" when somebody asks me to speak. Instead, I'm trying to focus on the things I did right so that I can emphasize them in future presentations.

    · Rehearse a positive outcome. Before my live television appearance, I watched clips of similar interviews on the same show. （I'm not a regular television watcher, so this was new.） I arrived at the station early, so I sat in the car, closed my eyes, and imagined the interviewer asking me questions about the subject. I imagined joking with her. I imagined it as a positive experience.

    · Do not procrastinate. Procrastination promotes fear. When you're afraid, thinking is your enemy. Act. Do what you think is best, and do it quickly. The longer you take to act, the more time you have to talk yourself out of it, the longer you have to imagine the things that might go wrong. It's not enough to hope. Take action.

    Here is a psychological principle that is worth reading over 25 times. Read it until it absolutely saturates you: To think confidently, act confidently. - from The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz

    · To think confidently, act confidently. You've heard the phrase "fake it 'til you make it". Research has shown that faking confidence actually leads to the real thing. If you're in a situation where you're not sure what to do, act like you know what to do. Act confident and you will become confident. （Note that this isn't license to be a jerk. It's not a license to lie.） Schwartz says that we can change our attitudes by changing our physical actions. He recommends five specific behaviors: sit in front, make eye contact, walk faster, speak up （offer your opinion）, smile.

    · Think like the other person. Remember that people are all the same. We each have the same fears and the same desires. Underneath, most folks are pretty nice. When you're in an uncomfortable situation, put yourself in the other person's shoes. While prepping for my talk last week, I used this technique to plan what I was going to say and how I was going to say it. I talked with a dozen financial planners to find out their concerns, and tried to address them in my talk. By doing this, I removed the fear that I wasn't addressing their interests.

    · Maintain a positive mental attitude. In Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude, the authors write: "When [a person] is wrapped in the warm, secure belief that he will do well, he is actually able to do better than he knows. His defenses are relaxed; his guard down; he is able to stop spending emotional energy protecting himself from the possible hurts of failure; instead he spends his energy reaching for the probably rewards of success…Confidence has had a measurable effect on him - it has brought out the best in him."

    · Get off your "but". In Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy, David D. Burns offers a variety of suggestions for building confidence and destroying fear. One of these is to learn to defeat a case of the "buts". Schwartz calls this excusitis, the "disease of failures". Burns says that the best way to deal with excuses is to argue with yourself. Every time you say, "I'd like to save money, but…", come up with a rebuttal to counter the argument. Keep going, fighting every excuse you make.

    · Visualize success. In Feeling Good, David Burns also encourages readers to visualize success: "A powerful self-motivation method involves making a list of the advantages of a productive action you've been avoiding because it requires more self-discipline than you've been able to muster. Such a list will train you to look at the positive consequences of doing it." For example, if you've been holding back asking for a raise, make a list of only the positive possible outcomes. Once you've made the list, fantasize about your life after receiving the raise. Focus on the positive outcome that success will bring you.

    · Look sharp. A lot of us experience poor self-esteem because we don't like the way we look. But we exacerbate the problem when we dress sloppily or are not well-groomed. I'm not pointing any fingers. My friends and family can readily attest that I'm one of the worst culprits. I'm often unshaven, dressed in sweats, slouched at my desk. Why? I lack self-confidence. But when I have an important meeting, the simple act of putting on nice slacks, a dress shirt, and a tie can change my mindset entirely. Take care of yourself.

    · Do the right thing. if you do the right thing, and you do it well, what do you care what other people think? Successful people will always have critics. Learn from the critics or to ignore them, but don't let them bring you down. Do the right thing, and confidently own the consequences.

    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. - from Dune by Frank Herbert

    · Keep things in perspective. I know a woman who is paralyzed by what other people might think of her. She's always on pins and needles, waiting for some cutting remark. Even small things in innocuous conversations become huge things in her mind, rebukes for imagined transgressions. This sort of thing saps any chance at self-confidence.

    · Don't seek perfection. Remember that the perfect is the enemy of the good. This is a huge problem in my own life. Somewhere along the way, I've become a perfectionist. I only want others to see me at my very best, whether it's on the blog, on television, or even on Twitter. But this perfectionism takes work, and it saps my confidence. Do you know anyone who has ever been perfect? Me neither. Do your best and let go.

    · Read the success literature. Research others who have succeeded. Self-help manuals get a bum rap, and many of them deserve it. But not all of them. There are many fantastic books out there that offer advice on how to improve your life. Read them. Learn from the experience of others. （I've found 50 Success Classics to be a powerful motivator [my review].）

    · Don't compare yourself to others. Be yourself. I'll tell you a secret. There are a lot of personal finance blogs out there. I don't get to read them as often as I used to, but I do try to make the rounds once every week. Sometimes when I do this, I feel like giving up. I feel like quitting. I lose confidence. "I can't write that well," I think. "I can't cover retirement investing as well as Jim did." Comparing myself to others is counter-productive. It only makes me feel inadequate. Who cares what other people write, or how well? What's important is simply producing the best work I can. All I can be is myself.

    The techniques I've listed are effective, but here's the thing: No list you find on the internet is going to magically make you more confident. No list is going to grant you instant CSS skills, or give you extra money, or make you a better writer. In order for these techniques to be effective, you have toact on them. You have to pick one or two and practice them. Then move on to another pair and practice those.

    It's important to put these tips into action. Do something, if only for ten minutes a day. Tell yourself that you'll move toward your goals for ten minutes a day. If you don't succeed, do it again. Keep going until you do succeed. Never give up.

    You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face…You must do the thing you think you cannot do. - Eleanor Roosevelt

    Further reading

    I've barely scratched the surface of what it takes to develop self-confidence. If you, too, have struggled with this, I encourage you to borrow one of the following books from your public library. （These are the books mentioned in this article.）

    · The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz

    · Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns, M.D.

    · How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie

    · Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude by Napoleon Hill and W. Clement Stone

    If you simply want to find more web reading related to this topic, check out the following:

    · Zen Habits: Conquer the fears lurking in the dark corners of your mind

    · Get Rich Slowly: The power of "yes": A simple way to get more out of life

    · The Simple Dollar: Investing in yourself: Self-confidence

    · Soul Shelter: The magic of thinking big

    The Magic of Thinking Big - the book that inspired this post - is outstanding. It's sold millions of copies in the fifty years since it was published, and no wonder. On the surface it may seem like touchy-feely feelgood stuff, but deep down, it's built on strong psychological principles. Here's Tom Butler-Bowdon's summary of the book.

    Moving forward

    Tonight I will speak to a group of graduating seniors at Western Oregon University. I'll talk to them about debt and money management, and about pursuing their dreams.

    When I gave this same talk last year, I was nervous. I was afraid. I was worried that I'd do poorly. Even after I'd finished, I thought it hadn't gone well, so I was surprised to learn that the group had given me high marks.

    There's no guarantee that tonight's talk will be a success, of course, but I know one thing: I'm much more confident going into it than I was last year. I know that I've done this before. I know that last week I spoke before 200 financial planners. I have positive experience to draw from.

    By facing my fears head-on, by taking action, I really have been able to build confidence and to destroy fear.

    If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - from Walden by Henry David Thoreau

    恐懼是通往黑暗的必經之路。恐懼導致憤怒，憤怒帶來仇恨，而仇恨則帶來痛苦。-Yoda

    上周我做了一件令我非常害怕的事情。我站在近200個財務規劃師面前，給他們講了理財博客為什么很好的原因。

    我是個很有自信的作者。我寫博客有很長時間了，所以我知道自己的長處和短處。我已經從讀者那里得到了相當多的回饋，因此也懂得我是個有效率的溝通者-至少在我用文字的時候是這樣。我不太能編輯。我很擔心自己陷入某種狀況中而沒能把想法說出來。基本上我是很怕講話的。

    如果我想把這種說話的機會拒之門外是很容易的一件事。有人要我在小組面前說話，我可以說"不".電臺或者電視臺邀我去做訪談，我也可以說"不".然而過去的兩年里，我一直在遵循自己的一個原則：就是對新機遇說一個"好"字。（至今他們也沒有違背我的行為準則）.

    說"不"相當于生活在恐懼之中。我的目標是不斷地改善自己，要變得比今天的我更好。一種方式就是做那些我不敢做的事，把它們當作挑戰，然后從他們身上學習-甚至在我遭遇失敗的時候。

    夢想的魔力

    去年11月中旬，當地一家電視臺叫我上一檔直播節目。"我知道這是個很短的小通告，"制作人這樣寫道，"不過我們很想讓你參加這檔節目，如果你今晚有空的話。"

    事實上，說你想克服自己的恐懼是一回事，但是真正去做卻是另一回事。恐懼是那么地真切。當我被邀請上直播節目的時候，我感到害怕。我記得2007年在西雅圖廣播電臺做的一起節目，那次節目糟透了。我想起了最近那些我很討厭的電視訪談，所以我很害怕接下來會發生什么。

    不過，我又覺得事情已經走上正軌了，我想到自己過去一年里說話的技巧已經有所進步了。我想到我對節約以及個人理財的熱情，然后我又想到正在讀的那本書，是在當地舊貨店里逃到的，只花了1.29美元。

    The magic of thinking big是上世紀六十年代最暢銷書，由佐治亞州大學教授大衛施華茲所寫，該書包含了很多實用的技巧和建議（還有很多趣事）,解釋了達成大目標時冒險的力量。施華茲認為：只有你自己相信自己了，其他人才會相信你。

    因此，當電視臺制作人問我是否想上節目時，我想到了這個大目標。"當然，"我說。"我來。"我表現得很自信，不過內心又很恐懼。我需要的是一些可以增強自信以及克服恐懼的技巧。

    記住那些讓你感覺你的想法不太好的時候，或者人們會把想法強加在你身上，或是你被解雇了的時候-這些想法在三十年之后還會再次被你想起。你必須有勇氣-Francis Ford Coppola

    如何建立信心，戰勝恐懼

    當我們沒自信時，我們會做出錯誤的決定。我們會在恐懼的前提下做出選擇，而不是以那些最好的東西為基礎。如果你缺乏自信，你可能會讓自己的生活充滿各種自毀式的行為。你可能做一份自己很厭惡的工作，你可能讓自己陷入債務之中無法自拔。你還可能發現自己從一段壞的戀情頻繁地換到另外一段糟糕的戀情。沒有自信，我不會讓自己去追尋夢想。

    在the magic of thinking big一書里，David認為所有的信心都是培養出來的。"沒有誰天生就有自信，"他寫道。"這些有自信的人會散發出自信，會戰勝憂慮，會在不同的地方，不同的時間里泰然處之，他們在任何場合都獲得自信。"

    建立自信的過程很緩慢，一次一點點。我知道，要想戰勝恐懼，我就需要采取各種不同的技巧。以下是我多年以來采用的一些方法，其中有過去曾讓我走出債務危機的方法，還有讓我在上直播電視節目時找到自信，開口講話的方法：

    1. 不要專注在失敗的經驗上。從你做對的事情上汲取經驗。上周我做的訪談跟完美一詞還差很遠。但是如果我總想著自己說錯的話，我會讓自己失去將來說話的機會。當有人要我說話時，我會害怕說"好".相反，我會試圖把注意力放到自己做得好的地方，這樣我就會在下次當眾說話時強調這些優點了。

    2. 預演好的結果。在我做直播電視節目之前，我看了這個節目類似的訪談片段。（我并不常看電視，所以感覺很新鮮。）我早早就到了臺里，因此我坐在車里，閉上眼睛，想象主持人問我相關問題時的情景。我想象自己和她開著玩笑。我想象這次訪談非常輕松愉快。

    3. 不要拖延時間。拖延時間會造成更多的恐懼。當你感到害怕時，思考會是你的敵人。行動。做出你認為最好的行動，而且要快。你越久做出行動，你從恐懼中跳出來的時間將會更長，而你也會更多地去回想自己可能做錯的地方。沒時間做祈禱了。行動吧。

    這是個心理學原理，值得讀上25遍。直到這句話充滿你的內心：要想充滿信心地進行思考，請先充滿信心地做出行動。--摘自the magic of thinking big.

    4. 要想充滿信心地進行思考，請先充滿信心地做出行動。你一定聽說過這句話：假裝自信，直到你真的變得很自信。研究表明裝自信確實可以讓自己自信。如果你所處的狀況是你不確定要做什么，那么你可以做自己知道要做的事情。充滿自信地行動，你就會變得充滿自信。（注意這并不表示你在犯傻，也不表示你在撒謊。）施華茲說我們可以通過改變身體上的行動來改變態度。他推薦物種特別的身體動作：坐到前面，眼神交流，走快點，開口說話（說出看法）,微笑。

    5. 像其他人一樣思考。記住，人在這方面是一樣的。我們每個人都有相同的恐懼，相同的渴望。在這些表象之下，大多數人都很好。當你處在一個不是很舒服的情境中時，請讓自己站在別人的角度想想問題。上周我去做訪談時，我就用了這個方法，計劃了一下自己將說些什么，以及如何說等等。我和十幾個財務策劃師聊天，以找到他們關注的焦點，再試圖把他們融入到我的談話中。通過這種做法，我擺脫了恐懼：怕自己說的讓他們不感興趣。

    6. 保持一種積極的心理狀態。在通過積極的心理狀態走向成功這本書中，作者寫道：當某個人充分相信自己，信任自己的時候，他就會做得好，他實際上能比自己認為得更好。他的思想防線很放松，他能讓自己停止消耗感情能量來保護自己不受可能發生的挫敗的傷害；相反，他能夠積聚起能量去獲取成功可能帶來的獎賞。自信對他產生了相當大的影響-它帶給他最大值的成功感受、

    7. 扔掉你的托詞"但是".在感覺良好：全新的情緒治療這本書里，David D.Burns給了讀者很多建議，讓他們建立自信，戰勝恐懼。其中之一就是學會戰勝各種各樣的"但是".施華茲把這個稱作托詞，也就是"導致失敗的頑疾".Burns說對付這種托詞最好的方法就是跟自己辯解。每次當你說，"我是想存錢的，可…"你都用一個反例來對付這個托詞。持續進行下去，跟你自己的每一個托詞作斗爭。

    8. 看到成功的未來。在感覺良好一書里，David Burns還鼓勵讀者想象成功時的場景。"一種強有力的自我激勵方式一定包含了一系列有成果的行動的優勢，而這些優點正是你一直在避免的，因為它需要更多的自律，比你能做到的程度大得多。"比如，如果你一直不敢要求加薪，你可以列出一個含有各種積極結果的表。一旦你列出這個表格，想象一下自己加薪之后的生活。一定專注在成功將帶給你的積極意義的結果上。

    9. 注意穿著。很多人都經歷過自信心不足的情況，因為我們都不喜歡自己的長相外貌。不過當我們穿著隨意，邋遢的時候，我們把這個問題加重了。我并不是要指責誰。我的朋友和家人都能證明，我是個最壞最壞的人。我常常不刮胡子，穿著汗衫，無精打采地坐在桌子上。為什么呢？我缺乏自信，但是當我有重要會議時，我只要穿上好一點的寬松褲子，一件襯衣，一條領帶就可以完全改變我的思想狀態。請你照顧好自己。

    10. 做對的事。如果你做對的事，你就會做好，你怎么還會關心其他人怎么看你？成功的人總會遭到人們的批評。從批評中學習，或者忽略它，但不要讓批評毀掉你。做對的事情，并且自信地得到結果。

    我不能害怕。恐懼是思想的殺手。恐懼會帶來毀滅性的災難-小死。我會面對恐懼，我會讓它路過，讓它穿越我。當恐懼穿越之后，我會在內心看到它的軌跡。恐懼消失了，那么什么都沒有了。只有我，還在這里。--摘自Frank Herbert的Dune.

    11. 看事物的全景。我認識一個女士，她總是對別人如何看待她感到不知所措。她總是等待別人說一些刻薄尖銳的話。無關緊要的對話中談論的小事在她那里就變成很大的一件事，而且馬上演變成一種侵犯。這些事讓自信的力量幾乎消耗殆盡。

    12. 不要追求完美。還記得完美是好的敵人吧。這是我生活中的一大問題。不知道從什么時候開始，我變成了一個完美主義者。我只想讓別人看到自己最好的一面，不管是在博客，電視上，或者甚至是在Twitter上。但是這種完美主義需要費心思，而且削弱了我的信心。你認識總是表現完美的人嗎？我是沒有。請你竭盡全力，順其自然吧。

    13. 讀一讀成功故事。研究那些獲得成功的人。自助式的指南受到人們的譴責，不過這些指南中很多都確是如此。只是并非所有的書。有很多可以提供如何改善生活的不錯的書籍。讀一讀。從其他人的經驗里學習。（我看的是五十個成功經典故事，這是個非常有效的自我激勵書籍。）

    14. 不要拿自己和別人作比較。做自己。我要告訴你一個秘密。網上有很多個人理財博客。我現在沒以前那樣經常讀他們了，不過我確實試過每周都去兜一圈的做法。有時候我這么做了，感覺真的想放棄。我想洗手不干。沒了自信。"我沒法寫那么好，"我想。"我沒法寫得像吉姆那么好。"拿自己跟別人比較的反效果非常明顯。它讓我感覺自己的不足。誰管別人寫得什么呢，或者多好呢？重要的是寫出我能寫出的最好的文章。我能做的就是我自己。

    我列在上面的方法很有效，但請注意這一點：網上看到的方法也好，技巧也好都不會神奇地讓你變得更自信。沒有哪些方法會馬上帶給你什么技能之類的，或者額外給你一筆錢，或者讓你成為一個更好的作者。要想讓這些方法變得有效，你必須據此采取行動。你得從中挑出一兩個實踐它。然后，再換兩外兩個再進行實踐。

    把這些小貼士付諸行動非常重要。你得做點什么，即使只是每天十分鐘。告訴自己每天的那十分鐘里你將朝向自己的目標邁進。如果你沒有成功，再做一次。保持前進的狀態，直到成功。永不言放棄。

    每次當你真正停下來看著自己的恐懼的時候，你都獲得了力量，勇氣，以及信心。你必須去做你認為自己做不到的事情。--Eleanor Roosevelt

    延伸閱讀

    我寫的這些在培養自信方面還沒有抓到皮毛。如果你也曾跟自己的恐懼斗爭過的話，我建議你到公共圖書館借以下書籍來看看。（這是這篇文章提到的幾本書。）

    1. The Magic of Thinking Big 大衛施華茲

    2. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy 大衛伯恩斯

    3. How to Stop Worrying and Start Living 達樂卡內基

    4. Success Through a Positive Mental Attitude 拿破侖希爾

    如果你只是想找相關這個主題的網絡資源，請查看以下內容：

    1. 禪的習慣：Conquer the fears lurking in the dark corners of your mind

    2. 緩慢變富：The power of "yes": A simple way to get more out of life

    3. 美元美元：Investing in yourself: Self-confidence

    4. 精神避難所：The magic of thinking big

    The magic of Thinking Big啟發我寫了這篇博文-這本書非常精彩。過去五十年間，它出版發行了百萬冊，而這一點都不奇怪。表面上它看起來似乎是個感覺良好的東西，但是更深層次上，它是一本建立在深刻心理學原理的書。這里是湯姆巴特勒伯頓寫的該書的梗概。

    向前進

    今晚我會為西俄勒岡大學給一群高年級學生演講，我會給他們講有關債務和金錢管理的話題，還有追求夢想的內容。

    去年我演講同一個話題的時候，我很緊張。我很擔心。我怕自己做得很差。甚至當我完成演講的時候，我還是覺得好像不太好，因此當我知道小組給我高分的時候，我感到很驚訝。

    當然，今晚的演講也不能保證就一定成功，但是我知道一件事情：我比去年更自信了。我知道我從前做過，我知道上周我還在200位財務策劃師面前大談特談的，我有積極的經驗可以吸取。

    通過直面恐懼，采取行動，我已經建立起真正的自信了，我戰勝了恐懼。

    如果一個人充滿自信地朝著夢想的方向前進，并且努力去追求自己想要的生活的時候，他會在某個普通的日子里遇到自己不曾想到的成功。--摘自亨利大衛梭羅的"瓦爾登湖"